I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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