The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
