so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
