loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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