He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
