bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
