Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
