You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
