Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
