i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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