I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
