This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
