Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
