oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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