Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
