Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
