I wish I only lived at night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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