Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
