just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Operation Purity has been aborted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
