There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
