I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
