"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
