i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
