my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
