I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
