Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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