he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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