6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
