in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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