Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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