I cannot find my penis.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
