Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
