she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
