i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
