I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
