420 ftw
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
