i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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