I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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