Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
