the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
