I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
