and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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