so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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