I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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