there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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