grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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