Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
