***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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