He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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