guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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