I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think your dad took our porno
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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