she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize