I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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